It’s been awhile since I got personal. A lot of people have been asking me how I’m doing, so I thought this might be a good time to tell you. I’m doing well and getting stronger with every week that goes by. I still don’t know her cause of death, and that hangs there like Damocles’ Sword. I won’t know ’till the end of the month.

This past weekend, our friend Holly and I filled a 20-foot dumpster with junk from the garage and house. My Allie was a packrat, and she’d dragged her “stuff” all over the place during her life. It wasn’t much, but it was hers, if you know what I mean. What it was, was boxes of papers and, well, stuff, most of which I was able to toss into the dumpster. I had to go through everything, because hidden in these boxes were little gems about her and her past that I have since woven into a memory book.

Here’s a bit of advice based upon my experience: If you have things you’d rather your loved ones not find, throw them away. This includes photos and letters involving old boyfriends and girlfriends, especially those that, well, you’d likely not display on the dining room table.

I bought a cedar chest and have stored the most precious items there. Her childhood treasure in the form of a tin of marbles. All of her writings. Her harmonica and the silly flute that drove me crazy. Her jewelry boxes and the small box of arrowheads that she collected over the years (she was part Cherokee). Articles of clothing that are special to me. Her television news awards. Her UT coffee cup. And much, much more.

This is a part of the process of letting her go, and the more I do these things, the farther away she seems. And while I would give anything for just five minutes with her, this seems right, because the pain is evolving into the memories that I choose to keep alive, and there’s nothing painful there.

So I’m doing better and I’ll be okay. Thanks for asking. It means more than you can imagine.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 7th, 2006 at 2:48 pm and is filed under Allie. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.